You're a Texan if….

A friend of mine’s son forwarded this goofy mail.  It seemed humorous to me. Maybe you’ll like it too. I would guess all my Texan readers will enjoy it the most. I also noticed that this is a compilation because some are repeated. But maybe Texans do that a lot also!!

Anyway, you know you’re a Texan if… 

1. You don’t associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
2. You’ve actually seen an 80 mph speed limit sign.
3. You know someone who ate a 72 oz. steak and got it for free.
4. You can drive all day (and more) and never leave the state.
5. You see just as many Texan flags as American flags.
6. You end a lot of words without the letter “g.”
7. You measure distance in minutes.
8. You know that DQ = Texas Stop Sign.
9. You know exactly what “cow tippin’ and “snipe huntin” are.
10. You think people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
11. When you hear a tornado siren, you go out and look for a funnel.
12. You can say “110 degrees” without fainting…easily.
13. You know it’s a given that the true value of a parking place lies in the shade, not the distance to the door.
14. You’ve actually burned your hand opening your car door. (or front door for that matter)
15. You’re quite aware that seat belts make pretty good branding irons.
16. You know for a fact that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
17. You’ve had experience gettin’ sunburned through your car window.
18. You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
19. You know that green grass DOES burn.
20. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
21. Hot water comes out of both taps.
22. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, Summer, Still summer, and Deer season.
23. In July, even though the kids are on summer vacation, not one person is out on the streets.
24. You don’t find it at all unusual for sunscreen to be sold year round, and kept at the front of the checkout counter.
25. You watch “Cowboy” movies and laugh at the phony “Texan” accents.
26. You know that Texans make better Mexican food than the Mexicans do.
27. You choose a brand of salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine.
28. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Bexar County.
29. You know: if it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
30. You refer to soft drinks as “coke,” regardless of flavor.
31. You know that “Fixinto” is one word.
32. You know what a “Cowboy Cadillac” is.
33. You strongly believe that eating any ice cream other than Blue Bell is sacrilegious. (unless it’s DQ of course)
34. You use the words: “gonna,” “lotsa,” “kinda,” and “sorta.”
35. You know a sunscreen formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the shopping mall.
36. You consider hot air balloons a joke…’cause they can’t go (at all).
37. You can testify to breaking out in a sweat the instant you step outside….at 7:30 AM …before work.
38. You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.
39. You can make instant sun tea.
40. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
41. You can bake cookies on your vehicle’s dashboard.
42. You aren’t surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
43. You know that fire ants consider your flesh a picnic.
44. You know that when the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.
45. You know that anytime you wear long sleeves, you’ll always roll ’em up past the elbows.
46. You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
47. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
48. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
49. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
50. You don’t find it unusual that in South Texas leaves fall off the trees in January.
51. You know there are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
52. You know there are 10,000 types of spiders and 10,001 of them live in Texas.
53. You could never dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
54. Your biggest bicycle wreak fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
55. You know if another Texan is from south, east, west, or north Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
56. You know that in the city, you can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still haven’t left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven’t left your neighborhood.)
57. You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of 29 degrees.
58. You can always count on findin’ a Walmart, DQ, and Sonic, in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
59. You use A/C 12 months a year.
60. You know everything goes better with BBQ sauce.
61. You consider the first cool snap to be anything below 70 degrees.
62. Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department.
63. You shop at H.E.B.
64. You don’t consider people from Austin to be real Texans.
65. You see more trucks in your daily commute than you’ll find in the whole state of New Jersey.
66. You think the humidity being below 90 percent, makes a GOOD hair day.
67. You know that in order for a place to be considered a town, it has to have a DQ, Sonic, and a Walmart.
68. You can fix anything with Duct Tape.
69. You know everything is bigger in Texas.
70. You have ever burned your hand on a car door.
71. You know what Juneteenth is.
72. You can tell how hot a chili will be just by hearing the name.
73. You have known someone who has attempted to fry an egg on the sidewalk (or you have done so yourself).
74. Your feet are practically invincible from walking barefoot on gravel.
75. You’ve ever had to tell someone that you don’t ride a horse to school.
76. You know that you’re not supposed to pronounce the h in the town “Humble.”
77. You don’t think it’s weird at all that there are towns that consist solely of 56 members of the same family.