Skill in Godly Marriage

Skill in Godly Marriage

Intro

Understanding how to have skill in a godly marriage depends FIRST on understanding how God designed marriage
Teaching on godly marriage is helpful to everyone
- Those who are married
- Those who are widowed
- Those who are seeking marriage

Proverbs is “sexist”
- Oft seen harlot
- Virtuous woman
- Where are the male counterparts?
  - Are we looking for truth or affirmation?
  - What are the most common negatives in Proverbs
  - What gender are they?
  - How is wisdom depicted?
  - In God’s rationale (which is the right one), there will be different flaws for men and women…because their created roles are different

Characteristics of a Godly Husband

Has the qualities of a wise man
- Everything that makes a wise man, makes a godly husband
Enjoys his wife intimately (Proverbs 5:17-19)
- Exclusively – hers, always
- Totally – ravished
Shows appreciation for his wife (Proverbs 31:28-31)
- Proverbs 31 tells us about the virtuous woman’s husband
  - He works with her as a life partner
  - He leads her to become all that God made her to be
  - He shows confidence and trust in her
- This is contrary to what some envision:
  - Wife “chained” to her house
  - Wife with no personal interests or pursuits
  - Wife whose world is only husband and children inside four walls
  - Wife fearful of venturing beyond her “rut”
- We should not treat our wives like light switches…they should be praised.

Characteristics of an Ungodly Husband

Does not listen
- Proverbs 12:15 – assumes good counsel
- Caveat: Adam, Abram, Job
- God created her to help you…good counsel can be a great help
Quarrelsome – Proverbs 20:3
- This man always welcomes a fight
- To him, it clears the air
- Not referring to disagreements
- Fight:
  - Lines drawn
  - Tempers flare
  - Accusations are hurled
  - Verbal blows exchanged
  - One tries to defeat the other
  - Victory is the goal
—Fighting
- A husband should never participate in a fight
  - The Bible praises self-control and condemns losing tempers
  - Christ would never target the church as an “opponent”
  - Even if she started it, how are Christians called on to respond
- A wife should never participate in a fight
  - The Bible praises self-control and condemns losing tempers
  - There’s no room for fighting in the subordinate place that God called wives to
  - Even if he started it, how are Christians called on to respond
  - A wife who is free to resist, denigrate, and fight is not following Proverbs 31:12 and can’t expect 31:11
Abusive – Proverbs 29:11
- This man let it “rip” whenever he feels like it
Doesn’t learn from mistakes
- Proverbs 4:19; 26:11; 27:22
- Spend into financial ruin over and over and over
- Lose job after job
- Wreck car after car
- Not a question of making mistakes:
  - Do we learn from them
  - Do we accept correction/criticism
  - Do we think carefully about decisions
  - Do we blunder on without thought
Destructive – Proverbs 11:29a
- By rash idiocy – Saul’s food prohibition
- By his own godlessness – Dathan, Abiram, Achan, David
- Our foolishness, sin, decisions directly affect our family
Doesn’t discipline children – Proverbs 13:24
- The man should set the pace/course for consistent discipline
  - Proactive, not reactive
  - Crisis-aversion, not crisis management
Flip of positive qualities
- Wise – the whole book of Proverbs shows this
- Intimate – neglect or adultery
- Appreciative – withholds praise (quite common)

Of course, everything, generally, that makes a wise man, makes a godly wife

Characteristics of a Godly Wife

Wisdom
- Proverbs 11:22
  - Wisdom matters infinitely more than looks
  - Discretion = skill
  - Without = turning away from
  - True, some men only look for appearances, but who wants a man like that!
    - A wise woman is not discouraged when men (boys) who are only looking for appearances aren’t interested in them
    - Don’t be tempted to dispair…continue growing in wisdom
- Proverbs 14:1 – what is her “house”?
  - Husband, first – can’t have the rest without him
  - Children
  - How? Proverbs 23:3-4
    - Arranging, cleaning, decorating…not so much
    - Crafting, etc. (trying to keep up with the “Jones” – spiritual or not)
    - God’s wisdom is more important than this world’s thin facades
- Proverbs 19:14
  - This valued quality is her prudence
- Proverbs 31:26
  - Only happens by studying and knowing the Bible
Enjoys husband intimately
- Proverbs 5:18-20; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
  - She has authority over husband here
  - She “owes” intimacy to husband
- Song of Solomon
  - We see here that she truly enjoys and longs to be with her husband
- There is a small danger that girls who hear preaching and teaching against immorality are VERY uncomfortable with God’s plan within marriage
Graciousness
- Proverbs 11:16
  - Lovely and gentle spirit
  - This is contrary to today’s woman
- Proverbs 31:30
  - A godly woman fear’s the LORD
- 1 Peter 3:1-6
  - Meek and quiet (trusting, self-controlled)
Strength of Character (virtuous)
- Proverbs 12:4
- Proverbs 31:10 – God values this characteristic
Devotion to Husband
- Proverbs 31:11-12, 23
  - Husbands are not commanded to “trust their wives”…
    - Of course, they did when they married
    - This trust can be expanded and developed
  - Wife’s created role is to help the husband subdue creation
Fear of Jehovah
- Proverbs 31:30
  - Praise comes not from self-promotion
  - Praise comes from fearing Jehovah
Opposites of Negative Qualities

Characteristics of an Ungodly Wife

Infidelity
- Proverbs 2:16-19 (strange woman)
  - Flattery
  - Sweet talk
  - Superficial religion
  - Spiritually rootless and unprincipled
Insincerity
- Proverbs 2:16
- Proverbs 5:3
Disloyalty
- Proverbs 2:17 – covenant (adultery is a double betrayal – companion and God)
- Proverbs 7:18-20
  - Husbands trust is an occasion for betrayal
Destructive – Proverbs 14:1
- Who she is: dense
  - She needs a healthy home
  - She has been taught the importance of a healthy home
  - She has been told how to have a healthy home
  - She ignores, belittles, despises the truth for what she thinks will make her happy
- What she does: (remember house = husband, then children)
  - She desires to control (don’t forget Genesis 3:16)
- How she tears her house down by herself
  - She tears her husband down by…
    - Degrading, shaming
    - Defying
    - Denying (withholding)
    - Picking, unmanning
  - She tears her children down by…
    - Neglecting care for a career
    - Neglecting correction for cuddling
Contentious – (nagging, argumentative, implacable)
- Proverbs 19:13
  - Contentions – disagrees with everything
  - Continual
  - Dropping = driving, pushing
  - Everything the husband tries/does is a failure
    - Actually, drives him away from her
    - When she really needs his intimacy and companionship
    - She MUST always have the last word
  - Some of her contentions may be accurate…but is it worth driving him away?
    - Proverbs 21:9
    - Proverbs 21:19
    - Proverbs 25:24
    - Proverbs 27:15-16
  - Avoid this by remembering…Proverbs 17:14
Contemptuous
- Proverbs 12:4
  - There is nothing as sickening to a man as the shame laid on by his wife – rotten in the bones
- Proverbs 31:10-12
  - There is nothing as strengthening to a man as the support of a virtuous wife – she will do him good!
- Don’t forget how God designed us

Yes…

This makes you subordinate to him!
- We are Christians; Jesus created us this way; God commands us to it; Let’s obey
- If you didn’t want to help your husband, you shouldn’t have married him (or anyone else); not that you have, your role is to subordinate yourself, and it’s your only way to joy and fulfillment
This really for you!
- Verses about men are for married and single men AND for single women who are evaluating potential suitors
- Verses about women are for married and single women AND for single men who are looking for a life partner

Behavior Skills (wisdom) for Husbands and Wives

Listening
- Proverbs 12:15
- Proverbs 15:31-32
Gracious Words
- Proverbs 15:1
- Proverbs 25:15
Strife Avoidance
- Proverbs 17:14

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