Skill in Godly Marriage


Skill in Godly Marriage

Intro

  • Understanding how to have skill in a godly marriage depends FIRST on understanding how God designed marriage
  • Teaching on godly marriage is helpful to everyone
    • Those who are married
    • Those who are widowed
    • Those who are seeking marriage
  • Proverbs is “sexist”
    • Oft seen harlot
    • Virtuous woman
    • Where are the male counterparts?
      • Are we looking for truth or affirmation?
      • What are the most common negatives in Proverbs
      • What gender are they?
      • How is wisdom depicted?
      • In God’s rationale (which is the right one), there will be different flaws for men and women…because their created roles are different

Characteristics of a Godly Husband

  • Has the qualities of a wise man
    • Everything that makes a wise man, makes a godly husband
  • Enjoys his wife intimately (Proverbs 5:17-19)
    • Exclusively – hers, always
    • Totally – ravished
  • Shows appreciation for his wife (Proverbs 31:28-31)
    • Proverbs 31 tells us about the virtuous woman’s husband
      • He works with her as a life partner
      • He leads her to become all that God made her to be
      • He shows confidence and trust in her
    • This is contrary to what some envision:
      • Wife “chained” to her house
      • Wife with no personal interests or pursuits
      • Wife whose world is only husband and children inside four walls
      • Wife fearful of venturing beyond her “rut”
    • We should not treat our wives like light switches…they should be praised.

Characteristics of an Ungodly Husband

  • Does not listen
    • Proverbs 12:15 – assumes good counsel
    • Caveat: Adam, Abram, Job
    • God created her to help you…good counsel can be a great help
  • Quarrelsome – Proverbs 20:3
    • This man always welcomes a fight
    • To him, it clears the air
    • Not referring to disagreements
    • Fight:
      • Lines drawn
      • Tempers flare
      • Accusations are hurled
      • Verbal blows exchanged
      • One tries to defeat the other
      • Victory is the goal
  • —Fighting
    • A husband should never participate in a fight
      • The Bible praises self-control and condemns losing tempers
      • Christ would never target the church as an “opponent”
      • Even if she started it, how are Christians called on to respond
    • A wife should never participate in a fight
      • The Bible praises self-control and condemns losing tempers
      • There’s no room for fighting in the subordinate place that God called wives to
      • Even if he started it, how are Christians called on to respond
      • A wife who is free to resist, denigrate, and fight is not following Proverbs 31:12 and can’t expect 31:11
  • Abusive – Proverbs 29:11
    • This man let it “rip” whenever he feels like it
  • Doesn’t learn from mistakes
    • Proverbs 4:19; 26:11; 27:22
    • Spend into financial ruin over and over and over
    • Lose job after job
    • Wreck car after car
    • Not a question of making mistakes:
      • Do we learn from them
      • Do we accept correction/criticism
      • Do we think carefully about decisions
      • Do we blunder on without thought
  • Destructive – Proverbs 11:29a
    • By rash idiocy – Saul’s food prohibition
    • By his own godlessness – Dathan, Abiram, Achan, David
    • Our foolishness, sin, decisions directly affect our family
  • Doesn’t discipline children – Proverbs 13:24
    • The man should set the pace/course for consistent discipline
      • Proactive, not reactive
      • Crisis-aversion, not crisis management
  • Flip of positive qualities
    • Wise – the whole book of Proverbs shows this
    • Intimate – neglect or adultery
    • Appreciative – withholds praise (quite common)
  • Of course, everything, generally, that makes a wise man, makes a godly wife

Characteristics of a Godly Wife

  • Wisdom
    • Proverbs 11:22
      • Wisdom matters infinitely more than looks
      • Discretion = skill
      • Without = turning away from
      • True, some men only look for appearances, but who wants a man like that!
        • A wise woman is not discouraged when men (boys) who are only looking for appearances aren’t interested in them
        • Don’t be tempted to dispair…continue growing in wisdom
    • Proverbs 14:1 – what is her “house”?
      • Husband, first – can’t have the rest without him
      • Children
      • How? Proverbs 23:3-4
        • Arranging, cleaning, decorating…not so much
        • Crafting, etc. (trying to keep up with the “Jones” – spiritual or not)
        • God’s wisdom is more important than this world’s thin facades
    • Proverbs 19:14
      • This valued quality is her prudence
    • Proverbs 31:26
      • Only happens by studying and knowing the Bible
  • Enjoys husband intimately
    • Proverbs 5:18-20; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5
      • She has authority over husband here
      • She “owes” intimacy to husband
    • Song of Solomon
      • We see here that she truly enjoys and longs to be with her husband
    • There is a small danger that girls who hear preaching and teaching against immorality are VERY uncomfortable with God’s plan within marriage
  • Graciousness
    • Proverbs 11:16
      • Lovely and gentle spirit
      • This is contrary to today’s woman
    • Proverbs 31:30
      • A godly woman fear’s the LORD
    • 1 Peter 3:1-6
      • Meek and quiet (trusting, self-controlled)
  • Strength of Character (virtuous)
    • Proverbs 12:4
    • Proverbs 31:10 – God values this characteristic
  • Devotion to Husband
    • Proverbs 31:11-12, 23
      • Husbands are not commanded to “trust their wives”…
        • Of course, they did when they married
        • This trust can be expanded and developed
      • Wife’s created role is to help the husband subdue creation
  • Fear of Jehovah
    • Proverbs 31:30
      • Praise comes not from self-promotion
      • Praise comes from fearing Jehovah
  • Opposites of Negative Qualities

Characteristics of an Ungodly Wife

  • Infidelity
    • Proverbs 2:16-19 (strange woman)
      • Flattery
      • Sweet talk
      • Superficial religion
      • Spiritually rootless and unprincipled
  • Insincerity
    • Proverbs 2:16
    • Proverbs 5:3
  • Disloyalty
    • Proverbs 2:17 – covenant (adultery is a double betrayal – companion and God)
    • Proverbs 7:18-20
      • Husbands trust is an occasion for betrayal
  • Destructive – Proverbs 14:1
    • Who she is: dense
      • She needs a healthy home
      • She has been taught the importance of a healthy home
      • She has been told how to have a healthy home
      • She ignores, belittles, despises the truth for what she thinks will make her happy
    • What she does: (remember house = husband, then children)
      • She desires to control (don’t forget Genesis 3:16)
    • How she tears her house down by herself
      • She tears her husband down by…
        • Degrading, shaming
        • Defying
        • Denying (withholding)
        • Picking, unmanning
      • She tears her children down by…
        • Neglecting care for a career
        • Neglecting correction for cuddling
  • Contentious – (nagging, argumentative, implacable)
    • Proverbs 19:13
      • Contentions – disagrees with everything
      • Continual
      • Dropping = driving, pushing
      • Everything the husband tries/does is a failure
        • Actually, drives him away from her
        • When she really needs his intimacy and companionship
        • She MUST always have the last word
      • Some of her contentions may be accurate…but is it worth driving him away?
        • Proverbs 21:9
        • Proverbs 21:19
        • Proverbs 25:24
        • Proverbs 27:15-16
      • Avoid this by remembering…Proverbs 17:14
  • Contemptuous
    • Proverbs 12:4
      • There is nothing as sickening to a man as the shame laid on by his wife – rotten in the bones
    • Proverbs 31:10-12
      • There is nothing as strengthening to a man as the support of a virtuous wife – she will do him good!
    • Don’t forget how God designed us

Yes…

  • This makes you subordinate to him!
    • We are Christians; Jesus created us this way; God commands us to it; Let’s obey
    • If you didn’t want to help your husband, you shouldn’t have married him (or anyone else); not that you have, your role is to subordinate yourself, and it’s your only way to joy and fulfillment
  • This really for you!
    • Verses about men are for married and single men AND for single women who are evaluating potential suitors
    • Verses about women are for married and single women AND for single men who are looking for a life partner

Behavior Skills (wisdom) for Husbands and Wives

  • Listening
    • Proverbs 12:15
    • Proverbs 15:31-32
  • Gracious Words
    • Proverbs 15:1
    • Proverbs 25:15
  • Strife Avoidance
    • Proverbs 17:14